A friend recently asked me how I did it. How do I manage to avoid relationships altogether? Being a self-affirmed man-hater who is now in a wonderful relationship, she now thinks it’s time for me. “X-amount of time, really?” I can only shrug my shoulders and smile.
A lot goes into giving up singledom. Many people feel quite the opposite, dreading every moment of not being attached. However, if you’ve been unattached for long enough, the opposite can almost become true. Giving up that freedom and opening yourself up to that level of risk again begins to lose its wonder. You can become quite self-sufficient and rediscover the level of dependence you once had on your platonic female friends. You find new ways to keep yourself busy (or distracted depending on how fresh your singledom is). You start to redefine (a.k.a. narrow) what you’re looking for in a partner. The more time, the longer the list, further perpetuating your singledom.
The only thing that can’t be killed with time is the physical, the carnal, human touch. (I just really like to use the word carnal whenever possible.) As the memories fade, so should the urges but alas, no such luck. The subtle things can be the most detrimental. A kiss on the back of the neck, a hand on the small of the back, a t-shirt that smells like him. (Side note: If smell is supposed to be the strongest sense tied to memory and that memory is tied to desire, does that mean scent is tied to desire? If so, that explains a lot, damn Dolce & Gabbana…) Colognes would have to be my ultimate downfall. Certain scents will make me turn into one of those girls in the Axe commercials.
Whatever it is that reminds you of the (beautiful) things you’re missing out in your current singledom, when it comes to the carnal, you’re most often left with feelings of lust and frustration. I call this uniquely annoying and potentially dangerous feeling “lustration”. On one hand, if you’re into self-deprivation, it’s a reminder and test of your dedication to avoiding “messy” relationships. On the other, if you don’t mind physical connections without the “messy” emotional ones, this feeling could get you into some trouble. I’m not advocating or disavowing one-night stands, but at a certain level of lustration, they become a considerable alternate. If you’re moderately attractive, clean and willing…
If a one-night stand is not enough for you, lustration can prompt you to re-evaluate your reasons for perpetuating your singledom. I’ll never say anyone should enter a relationship to satisfy a physical “itch” (probably a poor choice of words) but it can be a strong enough force to consider one.
I’ll end by saying lustration is a royal pain in the ass; mostly because it may just be that nudge you need to want to do something different. Lazy and avoiding life can often look the same UNTIL your next wiff of sexy cologne…
Avoiding attractive men at all costs (apparently),
Jo’van
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The Truth: According to Jo'van 
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