Business casual attire seems to be a common problem for companies across the country.  Jeans, polos, flip-flops, short skirts, shorts, tennis shoes, open-toe suede platform stilettos.  Where is the line drawn?  Has it in fact only been drawn in the sands of time?  If so, was there a corporate sand storm I missed while watching What Not to Wear?

I recognize that while I am relatively young in the workforce (just barely under 25), I am a traditionalist at heart.  In the office, I feel there should be difference between what you wear to the office and what you wear either to the bar or just to grab a few groceries on the weekend.  If the outfit calls for your sexy, sassy perfume or would best be accessorized with a color-coordinated pair of Crocs, may I suggest that you return to your closet before proceeding to work?

Do I ever dress inappropriately (by Jo’van standards) to the office?  Oh, yes.  Everything’s covered but that’s not always the final determining factor.  Some days I just don’t feel like putting up the effort to look as professional as I should/could.  Peer pressure to fit in and all.  I work in a pretty causal profession in a very casual city.  With tech companies redefining the work uniform as either a school logo-d t-shirt or polo, khaki shorts or jeans, and flip-flops or tennis shoes (Mix and match as the pile of clothes on your floor allows), success and appearance are no longer synonymous.  You can be a slob and a self-made millionaire at 25.  (On the other side, you can be half-naked and marry a self-made millionaire at 25…)  However, we are not all so lucky (or waxed).  Unless dressing up means ironing your commemorative UT National Championship t-shirt when a client comes into the office, why must we test the boundaries any (and every) other time?

A few pet peeves for the fellas.  (My list for the ladies is longer because we have more options.)

1.) Wrinkled or Fold-Creased Clothing: If I have to explain this, we have a problem.  Wrinkled or fold-creased just screams “I don’t care.  I bought the shirt.  You should be happy.”  Hint: NO drycleaner creases your shirt horizontally.  Iron that shit out.

2.) Tennis Shoes with Dress Pants:  Look I get it.  Women have more options.  But rest assured, our mass of options are just more choices of uncomfortable shoes.  “My dress shoes are uncomfortable” will not fly with me.  Wear some stilettos and let me know what you think after.  Just wear the shoes you know you should.  Hint If a Nike, Adidas, Reebok, Puma, Vans, etc logo appears on the outside of the shoe ANYWHERE, they’re tennis shoes.  Personally, I’m not a fan of cowboy boots with dress pants (or anywhere) but now live in Texas and have no say.  So if you need a change from the traditional dress shoes and loafers, go that route (as tastefully as possible).

3.) Unshaven messes:  Shaving sucks.  I agree.  (Mine covers more surface area but you have to walk around with little pieces of tissue paper on your face when you screw up.)  And you have the right to grow out your facial hair as you please.  However, do so with attention to your appearance.  As you try desperately to make those patches appear to be a beard, please keep them all even.  Monday’s 5 o’clock shadow turns into Wednesday’s “have you looked in the mirror.”

On to the Ladies…

Oh, to narrow it down JUST to 10.

1.) Flip-flops: They look cheap and are noisy.  I should never have to see that much of someone’s foot in a “shoe.”  (I HATE feet.   Everyone’s.  Mine included.)

2.) Decorated Flip-flops: A bejeweled or leopard-print flip-flip is STILL a flip-flop. 

3.) Mini skirts: They made a come back but were never appropriate in the office in the first place.  This applies to tall and short people alike.  The old high-school rule of hands to side and skirt passed your fingertips is no longer enough.  An office appropriate skirt should always be closer to your knee than you middle finger.

4.) Mini skirts with Tights: Mini skirts are still office appropriate skirts missing valuable fabric when paired with opaque tights.  Tights are thicker versions of stockings (or hose, depending on what you call them).  They are not a pant substitute.  If you would not wear the same skirt with pants (thus making it a wide belt), it should not be worn to the office at all.

5.) Ultra-tight or Ultra-clingy fabrics: If you have Jessica Biel or Halle Berry’s bodies, congratulations.  But that does not mean it should be flaunted at the office.  Feel free to rub it in the rest of the world’s face in other more appropriate situations.  For the office, stick with fitted.  Please note: Fitted does NOT equal tight.  If you are incapable of making the distinction, go with a little loose.  Clean cuts and fabrics not completely made of Lycra are a good start.  If you have not been following the Biel or Berry exercise and diet regimen, you should already understand why you should never wear tight or clingy clothes.  Showing off what you either don’t have but wish you did or do have and wish you could give away is not really showing off…

6.) Extreme Cleavage: Bosom-blessed women.  I’m sorry but this one’s just for you.  (Don’t worry.  The next one’s for people with my body type.)  Sexy and serious are not the same thing in the office.  In addition to the several men who will have ENTIRE conversations with your chest, you’re opening yourself up for chronic chest colds.  Companies like healthy employees.  If you cannot live without your v-neck or scoop neck tops, please invest in tank tops with HIGH NECK LINES.  If you tank only covers one of your six inches of cleavage, it’s not enough.  Good effort and all but no.  I’d also reconsider any top where the buttons covering your chest appear to be holding on for dear life.  Just a thought.

7.) Booty-Exaggerating Bottoms: If you’re blessed with a permanent cushion from backward falls, congrats but please recognize the careful attention you must now pay to work pants and skirts. Lines across the butt and skirts that come up three inches higher in the back than they do in the front are not cute.  Don’t overcompensate by swallowing your butt in extra fabric and ill-fitting bottoms.  Baggy booty is not attractive either.  But please, don’t wear pants so tight across the butt that we can describe the pattern of the lace on your underwear or we can actually see the thong you’re wearing (thus defeating the purpose).  Clothes should hug, not suffocate, your curves.  Plus, such ill-fitting clothes can actually create rolls, extra curves you don’t want.

8.) Spaghetti Strap, Strapless, or Halter Tops: Full chest, shoulders and upper back should not all be exposed in the office.  It’s a little too much skin.  Bra straps (clear or otherwise) are not supposed to be used as accessories.  Strapless and spaghetti are non-negotiable.  However, if the halter covers equally in the front and back (typically with a mock turtleneck style), this should be okay.  Otherwise, pair these tops with a cardigan or shrug you DO NOT plan to remove.

9.) Proper Undergarments:  I am not one to govern your underwear.  Granny panties or thongs, lacy bras or sports bras, do whatever is comfortable AND looks good.  For instance, I am personally anti-thong.  If I’m going to pay the same price, I’d rather pay for more fabric and comfort.  Anybody that tells me thongs are comfortable is a liar. 🙂  However, if I choose full-coverage underwear and form-fitting pants, I must be cognizant of the infamous panty line.  (I think I’ve finally found the brand and style that prevents this fashion faux pas.  Let me know if you’d like the secret to my newly found comfort.)  Likewise, if your top does not allow for a normal bra, it probably should not be worn to the office.  (Please refer to Number 8.)  For NO REASON should you enter a professional setting without a bra.  Hippies, I’ll debate you on this statement, if you’d like.  Saggy boobs and a physical thermostat for cold weather are not office appropriate.  Well, at least in my line of business…

10.) Junior Staff Dressing Better Than Upper Management: I’ve always heard that you should dress one level above your current level.  Something about your appearance matching you level of work, making the decision to promote you that much easier.  However, I take personal offense to the idea of the majority of junior staff looking more professional than their bosses and senior colleagues.  I’m lucky enough to work in an office with interns.  I find it very interesting that interns can (and do) dress nicer than their supervisors.  Do as we say, not as we do.  I get that.  But still, everyday out dressed by your intern?  Really?

I am a stickler for some traditional rules.  Unless I can dress like a college student on campus (not our interns at the office), I’m never going to be comfortable at work.  If I’m not comfortable, I feel I should look good.  My good may be different from your good.  That’s fine.  I just wish we could find a common definition of what professional looks like.  No one expects hose and ties but ironed shirts and jeans not frayed on the bottom shouldn’t be too much to ask.  And don’t tell me business clothes are too expensive when you’re walking around in Seven jeans and BCBG heels or Kenneth Cole tennis shoes and a Miss Sixty button-up.  Damn my mother for making me look nice growing up…

Reevaluating my closet,

Jo’van

November 9, 2008
Categories: Office Appropriate (Work Life), Whole Truth, The . Tags:business casual, fashion, office . Author: tjovand

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