Friendly Drama: Breaking Up with a Group

How do you break up with a group?

Have you ever found yourself with a certain group of people for a particular purpose?  The purpose isn’t that important.  It could be a prayer group, a French group, an ex-employee group, a band, an exercise group, whatever.  The important thing is they’re not family and you don’t rely on them for a paycheck.

Everything is wonderful when it begins.  You got together for a good reason and was excited to do so.  Whoo hoo, fun! Until it starts to fall apart.  Level of communication disintegrates.  People start to wear on your nerves.  When do you know if enough is enough?  When do you say goodbye?

Without a NEED for these people, what binds you together?  When you’ve done everything you can to salvage the relationship, how do you get out without being a complete jerk?  It’s difficult to remain rational when you’re the only one who has a problem the way things have fallen apart.  Everyone else just thinks that the way things should go.  I (I mean) YOU wonder if you’re being ridiculous.  Are you the one with the problem?

It’s okay.  It’s only natural to think such things if you’re the ONLY one thinking that way.  But then again, people tend to find other people that think the way they do.  Maybe YOU’RE the only one in the group that’s different.  Different is fine, actually sometimes it can be good.  Except when being different makes you feel alienated or (almost) worse, annoyed beyond belief.  When do you give up?

As soon as you dedicate a blog post to the topic.

Planning her exit, stage left,

Jo’van

January 31, 2009
Categories: Friendly Drama (The Ones You Choose), Whole Truth, The . Tags: , , , . Author: tjovand . Comments: Leave a comment

No Patience for You: Eve, No Apple is that D*mn Good.

Note: The evening after I wrote this post was the most painful in probably 5 years.  I’m not blaming you, God.  I’m blaming Eve.  You warned her.  I would’ve listened.

———————————————————————————————————————-

(Possibly graphic, beware)

Okay, so I won’t be the first or the last person to complain about that beautiful time of the month that reminds you you are in fact a woman (not just a man with different parts) and have emerged from puberty.  Thank you, God, for this wonderful reminder.  But I am not a fan.  This discomfort and pain every 20-30 days is unnecessary in my opinion.  Refraining from discussing the disgusting, cramps, bloating and irritability are not things I need to add to my life.  As it stands, I’m bitchy and unhappy enough already.  Why can’t this time feel nice, like a warm bath or a good massage?  Why must I feel like my insides are fighting with each other and I’m the only person losing?  My special women parts are beating each other up with what feels like spiked brass knuckles and steel-toe cowboy boots.  Pain that can only be eased by potent pain killers doesn’t sound like an appropriate reminder of the magic and wonder of pregnancy.

I’m very sorry if I’m not the most pleasant for the four days while my body is reminding me I’m not pregnant and this pain is nothing in comparison to what I can look forward to in the beauty of child birth but I don’t have much sympathy for you.  Just leave me alone.  I will do my best to remain pleasant as long as I’m given my space.  I need to sleep, eat chocolate, sleep, roll into a ball, eat chocolate, sleep, work and sleep.  If anything you have to say to me doesn’t fit into one of those categories, check in with me next week.

Eve (as I call my monthly visit,  Aunt Flow, menustration or period) does not make me bitchy.  It just lowers my tolerance to annoyances.  As I told boys in high school, just because a girl is annoyed with you doesn’t mean her insides are killing her.  Maybe you’re just annoying.  If I was on my period as often as people around me thought I was, I would have bled to death years ago.

I’ve often heard that we as women should almost be happy or proud to experience this.  Men would not be able to handle it.  Somehow thinking that men have supposedly lower thresholds of pain does not make me smile or feel better.  I don’t really care if they “couldn’t handle” it.  If I had the option, I’d chose not the be able to handle it either, rather than stocking up on Aleve, chocolate, comfortable pillows and a heating pad.  Adam had to “work the land” and Eve had to suffer.  Well, we’re both working right now.  I think it’s about time we both suffer.  (Or neither, I’d be up for that also.)

Rolling into a ball surrounded by a bag of Hershey’s kisses,

Jo’van

–

Ode to Eve

Dear Mother of humanity, Christian goddess, whose appetite killed eternal happiness. No apple is that damn good.

I appreciate your sacrifices, am thankful for your existence, but I really wish you would have listened. No apple is that damn good.

You gave up heaven on earth, an unparallel paradise, utopia beyond human site. No apple is that damn good.

I don’t always listen to my parents either, but then again my father isn’t God, did you think he’d spare you the rod? No apple is that damn good.

A metaphor for the evil’s of sex, a serpent controled your action, I’m ashamed of your curiousity of attraction. No apple is that damn good.

It makes me wonder if any food, could sound good enough to make me risk, being struck down for knowledge I’m not equip. No apple is that damn good.

Perfectly seasoned steak, or the most melt in your mouth chocolate. Is any food worth the ultimate threat? No apple is that damn good.

If it had to be a fruit of the earth, why was it an apple? The cheapest ingredient in a bottle of Snapple. No apple is that damn good.

A mango, a watermelon, a peach or an orange, grapes, cantelope, honeydew and pears. What made an apple worth my monthly tears? No apple is that damn good.

Here’s a suggestion, can we just switch places? I’ll do as I’m told and stay in God’s good graces. No apple is that damn good.

I’ll trade you Eden and Adam, for cramps, bloating, pain. Paradise or bleeding, you must be insane. No apple is that damn good.

January 27, 2009
Categories: No Patience For You (SIGH), Whole Truth, The . Tags: , , , , . Author: tjovand . Comments: Leave a comment

The World…As I See It: My Car is Missing!!!

I had the biggest “blond moment” of my life today.  And considering my hair’s basically black with mahogany highlights, that’s quite a feat.  I am SO embarrassed.

I am a typically anal (or meticulous) person.  Everything has its own little place and exact path to get there.  I am the one who deals with the planning of whatever situation.  The one with the mom purse equip with nail clippers, oil sheets, floss, tweezers, eye drops, allergy medicine…basically Walgreens.  The one with a full change of clothes (including tennis shoes) in the trunk of her car, just in case I get stuck somewhere and really want clean underwear.  The one who manually updates every album in her (large) iTunes library because she didn’t like some of the formatting.  The one who cleans and separates the lettuce leafs so they’ll be easier to grab for a sandwich next week.  The one that can tell you down to the hour when she was out of the office and how to code that time.  For some reason, my brain is just wired that way.  Apparently, within a four day span, that wiring got disconnected.

Because of a great ticket price, I took a 4-day weekend trip home last weekend.  It was good to see the family and a couple of friends.  However, the best part had to be not having to really think about much.  I just kind of floated across Nashville for a few days in my mom’s green minivan.  (I love the van by the way.)  The paths to my grandmothers’ houses and Opry Mills mall are hardwired into my head.  My biggest concern is trying to find my old radio stations.  (Luckily, my mother doesn’t mess with her pre-set stations too much.)

My roommate picked me up from the airport last night and I unpacked my stuff, petted the puppies and went to bed.  This morning, I woke up, got ready for work and rushed out the door.  (I was going to be 5-10 minutes late to an 8:30 meeting.)  I walked down the parking lot, happy it wasn’t raining.  (Our parking lot is very crowded and it’s often difficult to find a spot close to your apartment and/or not under a tree.  We also have a pigeon-poo problem.)  As I approached the spot I remembered parking my car, I got a little concerned.  The spot was empty.  Hmmm, maybe it was in front of the next building.  No? Okay, maybe I’m just losing it.  Let’s press the lock button to hear my car.  NOTHING!  Seriously?  Now what?  I know I didn’t park this far but I’ll check. SHIT.  WHERE’S MY CAR?!

Back in the apartment, upset but surprisingly calm for some reason.  (That should have been my first hint.  My subconscious must’ve known something.  But I just assumed I was in shock.)  Wake up the roommate.  “I think they towed my car or someone stole it.”  She jumps up and I turn on my computer.  I don’t know my new boss’s work or cell phone number and I’m obviously going to miss the meeting.  As I’m sending the email, my roommate goes to the front office.

Nope, while they were rude, they didn’t tow it.  Okay, I guess it’s time to call the police.  What’s the number? 911 seems a bit hysterical.  My car wasn’t stolen with my baby in it or anything.  (Just a gym bag)  Yellow pages.  Speak with a dispatcher.  The police will be there soon.  15 minutes impressive (or scary.  I don’t really know what a speedy response time says for your area.)  Two police officers come to our door and we have to crate the dogs.  So protective and LOUD.

Officer H is young and nervous/unprepared.  While a few of his questions got on my nerves (No, my car was not impounded by the finance company.  No, I haven’t defaulted on any payments.  Yes, I’m sure.  Would you like to see my monthly statements.  — Remember, I am anal.), he was nice and I was patient and kind.  No need to get him in trouble.  Officer J was very cool.  Although he was a bit rough (understandably so) on Officer H, he chatted it up with my roommate and I about dogs, catching a bank robber while buying dog food and what-have-you.

My phone rings and I hand it off to my roommate.  She begins speaking Spanish and disappears into my room.  Ah, it must be Chivis.  Mary comes back around the corner and calls me into my room.  What?!  Really?! NOW,with them here?! Okay.  Umm, Tiffany, I think your car is in the garage…. Are you SERIOUS?  Are you sure?  Could you check?  Call me back! Thanks.  Mary’s laughing at me.  And the police are standing in our living room.

And then it all comes back to me….

The night before I left for home, I went out with friends and coworkers to celebrate J Lo’s birthday.  (Not that one but better.)  I had a few drinks but not THAT many.  Chivis was parked closer to the bar than I was and since she was taking me to the airport the next morning, we just decided to leave my car in the office garage.  Plus, it’s probably safer there than in my apartment complex parking lot….

Okay, it’s definitely a possibility but now what do I do?  If I tell them, they’ll leave.  Then what do I do if it’s not there?  Call them back?  No, continue until you’re sure.  That’s the best idea.  However, by the time Chivis calls me back, it’s too late.  Despite my best efforts to stall and rush, I’ve had to complete the entire process.  Poor Officer H is being chewed out and we’re laughing as soon as we close the door.  What the HELL do I do NOW?!

Mary takes me to the office.  Yep, I’ve seen it with my own eyes.  My car is happily, safely sitting in the office garage.  The parking I remembered doing in my complex lot was when I first made it home Friday night.  I didn’t remember the second time because it never happened.  Dear Lord, what was in my drinks?  Did I have 8 more than I remembered?

After Chivis and Mary have made fun of me, I called to report my idiocy.  Of course, I can’t just cancel a police report.  Another officer has to talk to me.  Officer B arrives shortly.  He essentially laughs at me and tells me it happens all of the time downtown.  Basically labeling me a drunk.  Great!  He’ll take care of it.  All is well.  Whew.

Not quite, Officer J calls me to double-check he’d heard right.  After apologizing profusely for wasting his time and our Austin police resources, I get a mini lecture but feel better about the situation.

Then Officer J calls me back.  I don’t quite remember asking what the point was but when I asked if there was anything else I needed to do, papers to sign, fee to pay, he told me that Officer H was considering charging me for reporting a false police report, a class b misdemeanor.  WHAT?!  He felt I had made the report to make fun of him, as if I knew him.  Basically, his feelings were hurt for getting in trouble for being unprepared.  And while I understand that, none of that was my fault.  I did not make fun of him.  I did not ask him the question Officer J wanted me to ask to test him. I was sympathetic and did not make a big deal of him not knowing what he was doing.  Yes, I did laugh after they left at MYSELF.  Yes, I did file a false report because I am an idiot.  There was no malicious intent.  Officer J says he’ll talk to Officer H but he can’t TELL him what to do, only advise.  I thank Officer J and hang up.  I should still be embarrassed or scared but now I’m just annoyed.

On to the google search for Class B Misdemeanor charges in Austin. (It’s amazing that blogs dominate the first pages in the gooogle search.  I want REAL information, not a blog.  This IS a legal matter after all.)  From what I can gather (in a quick search), a charge of this kind can result in up to a $2,000 fine, up to 180 days in jail, or better yet both.  This is the same charge you’d get for your first DWI.  It looks like I should have just driven home that night.  (I’m not condoning drunk driving. And while I don’t believe I was drunk that evening, I’m just making a point.  Even if alchol had been a factor, I’d been sober for 4 days.  No Corona is THAT strong.)

That’s it.  I’ve heard nothing else from Officer J.  I’m going to believe it’s over.  I’ll update if I end up getting pulled over driving the car I mistakenly reported stolen.

I think the worst part of it all is that this is simply something I would not have done.  Several friends have said this just isn’t me.  Or at least it wasn’t.  What’s next?

Still a bright red (only you can’t see it because I’m actually a milk chocolate brown),

Jo’van

January 21, 2009
Categories: The World...As I See It (Everything Else), Whole Truth, The . Tags: , , , . Author: tjovand . Comments: 1 Comment

The World…As I See It: Layoffs

Layoffs are officially scary.  They’ve hit my second home(s) and it’s painful.

I’m pretty young and ignorant to things such as “financial downturns”, “recessions” and “depressions”.  For me, the worst a bursting bubble could do would be to get in your hair.  I don’t own stocks, bonds, a house, or my car (yet).  I haven’t started my 401K.  My debt is ridiculous.  My savings account is always closer to zero than not because I can’t afford to save.   But I never really worried.  As long as I was doing my job well, keeping my clients happy and not pissing off upper management (too much), I should be able to avoid getting fired.  And anyway, fired you (probably) see coming.  Fired you might be able to prepare for.  Fired you can start shopping around to beat them to the punch.  But a “downsizing” is an entirely different story.

When someone up above says shave some of your costs, a company can only cut back on happy hours, Friday breakfast tacos and the multitude of interns so much.  At some point, staff numbers have to come under the microscope.  Then what?  How do you decide who goes?  I thankfully have not been in that position so I can’t presume to really know but I can just imagine it’s difficult.  Not only are you possibly ending someones career but you’re admitting your company’s not doing as well as you’d like everyone to believe.

In this current economic climate, every company (it seems) is experiencing “staff restructuring” but that doesn’t make the people directly affected by it feel any better.  Just because you’re not the only one doesn’t mean you’re not still wondering but why me?  Or in my case, if it’s someone you respect and care for “why them?”

A friend of mine was very recently let go.   Rather than be bitter, angry, or depressed, he’s unbelievably positive.  While I’m sure it hurt him and shakes up any plans in the making, he seems to be treating this as just another bump in the road.  With the level of graciousness I don’t even think I could muster up after a fender bender, he managed to make three of us laugh and feel better about his situation.  Some people deserve way more respect than they’ll probably ever receive.  (I love you, Roberto.  And your man boobs. 🙂 )

In the end, I guess the questions don’t really matter but too many unaswered may begin to outweigh any positive or even understandable answers.  This is a scary time.  Between my two jobs, I’ve survived three rounds of  “thank you buts” so far.  But if my name comes to the top of the list next time, I don’t really have a plan in mind.  There is no money set aside to survive.  Hmmm….I guess that’s a problem.

Looking for things she can sell for emergency rent,

Jo’van

January 12, 2009
Categories: The World...As I See It (Everything Else), Whole Truth, The . Tags: , , , . Author: tjovand . Comments: 1 Comment

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