I recently wrote a post wondering if a partner up to your physical standard was important. I haven’t exactly figured that one out for myself but had a recent epiphany (as painful as it might have been). The physical is very important being the first thing you (and your friends) notice and sometimes being strong enough to temporarily blind you to everything else. But sometimes it’s just not enough (no matter how badly you may want it to be). There has to be something else to keep you intrigued when you’re not looking at each other. What makes you smile when he sends you a sweet message? Or when she calls just to hear your voice? Probably not her ass or his abs.
Sure, the physical image and moments are important and can have lasting effects but what keeps you happy may not be that shallow. For me personally, I need another ( and by another I mean additional) form of stimulation. Talk to me. Tell me something I didn’t know. Make me think. Make me smile about more than just your body/face/arms/etc. (Oh, in case you didn’t know, I’m an arms woman.)
I met a guy last year that was/is absolutely beautiful; handsome face, perfect body, good times. I won’t even pretend or try to find another way to say it. Being pleasantly average, I was intimidated by his good looks. Yeah, I know that I’m an amazing person, worth the world, and all that jazz, but that wouldn’t stop me from being the ugly one in the couple’s photos. My sparkling personality would not stop strangers from wondering “How’d she manage that/him?” But I figured since he didn’t seem to notice he could find a better physical match, I wouldn’t bring it up. What’s the point in planting unnecessary questions? 🙂
As we talked and chatted online, I started to pick up on some not so attractive qualities, at least to me. Not every woman is as picky as I am, especially when the physical is so impressive, but I kinda like signs of a deeper person, and by deeper person, I pretty much mean inner nerd. What motivates you? Pisses you off? What books do you read? Music do you listen to? I need conversations, challenges, not just words thrown out there for entertainment. Regardless, after a little more time together, I realized I couldn’t deal with just the physical for any real amount of time. Sure, in those desperate/lonely moments, he’ll sound amazing but that’s just because he’s familiar (and gorgeous). Maybe if he just never spoke, wrote, tried to communicate with words…
Sadly, I know I can’t function like that. As much fun as it may sound, I’m just not the trophy type. Physical just can’t do enough for me. I am entirely too complicated to be so easily satisfied. I need that “mental standard”. In comparison to the physical, I’m less willing to compromise. We BOTH need to be at least slightly above average on the “smart scale”. (And yes, I do consider myself to have above average intelligence. Feel free to disagree. And becuase I’m said that, I’m sure these post will be riddled with ty-pos and grammartical errors. 🙂 Feel free to point them out. I’ll adjust accordingly.) If the proverbial “he” was significantly less intelligent (or just less eloquent) than I am, I believe I’d get frustrated. I fear the thought of him being stupid would cross my mind and I might treat him accordingly in difficult situations. That’s very shallow and mean of me but I just don’t think I’m that big of a person yet. On the other hand, if I knew his intelligence was leaps and bounds beyond mine, I fear I’d be permanently intimidated. Unlike looks, there’s little I can do to match intelligence. A gym membership, regular hair appointments and plastic surgery’s not going to help me. You can’t pay to be smarter. I don’t like feeling less. I need a balance. We need to be close enough to provide good conversations and do so without feelings of superiority or inferiority. It sucks but I’m just being honest. I don’t need a rocket scientist or a doctor and could be very happy with a truck driver or a maintenance man. Your occupation (and paycheck for that matter) doesn’t define your intelligence. Not everyone has bankable “book smarts”. I just want/need someone who likes to learn and who’ll continually challenge me to do the same.
I realized a few year ago just how big of nerd I was and the fact that I was looking for one. One night, I decided it was best to crash on a male friend’s couch rather than going home. It was a little late/early. Now, to be honest, I was a little more than “interested” in this friend but nothing was happening (at that point, at least). Anyway, I walked into his room to ask him a question. Keep in mind we’d known each other for a few months and I’d seen him in a bathing suit. He was cute and I was attracted but what I saw when I walked into his room that night pretty much melted my heart. Imagine. Imagine. (I’m sure the title of this post probably gives it away but) NERD ALERT: I saw him sitting in bed with his glasses on reading a book. Having a class with him, I’ve seen him read before but there was something different about seeing him do it for pleasure. The glasses bit didn’t exactly hurt, especially since I was coming in to see if he had an extra contact lens case. Who knew reading could be so sexy? Then he proceeded to tell me about the book. To be honest, I couldn’t tell you what it was about now but I do remember how earnest he was about whatever he was saying. He’d read the book before and thought it was great because…..
Look, yes, I really appreciate the hard work guys put in in the gym. And yes, I love the way a man looks when he’s well put together. Massages are amazing. The random “just thinking about you”s can stop me in my tracks. And don’t even get me started on the effects certain colognes have on me. But if you really want me to get excited about sharing a significant amount of time and a small (possibly rectangular) space with you, read for me, baby. It’s not all I need but it certainly can’t hurt. (Wow, I’m such a nerd. Haha)
Dreaming of her reading buddy,
Jo’van
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The Truth: According to Jo'van 
truth be told, i think it’s a bit different for guys on the whole physical front. and that’s not to say for all guys, but let’s make a generalization (not an over-generalization). guys have a certain, shall we say, threshold over which a girl has to be attractive, and depending on how much above that threshold she indicates how satisfied he is with her physically. that being said, looks only last so long. the more time you spend with someone you like, the better that person looks. common knowledge. right? anyhows, it’s always the conversation that gets me personally. it’s soooo hard to find someone who can make good conversation. a good conversationalist is not an urbane entity. the good conversationalist, redundancy to emphasize the point, is rare and invaluable. there are dozens of good looking people all around you (well, depending on where you are). that doesn’t mean that they can talk attractively just because they look that way…