I’m going to try to add songs to the next few posts. Please enjoy Mariah Carey’s “Honey” for this post. This video and sound marked the beginning of her “Quarterlife Crisis/Transition/Freedom”. We’re still just waiting for her to recover…
I’ve officially been a 25 year old for a week now. 25 – It just sounds so grown up. Not old. I hope to have many, many decades to go but something about 25 just sounds like I should have my shit together by now. I’ve been asked how I feel about being 25. As with most birthdays, the hardest part that I can imagine will be remembering the new number when asked how old I am. All I can say is that I feel just about the same. Let me clarify: the actual birthday meant little. I will have to admit though that this “time in my life” has had its impact.
Some would call what I’m experiencing a “quarterlife crisis”. Considering the term is so new and popular right now, I won’t argue the point. (I am, however, reading the original book published on the term in 2001. I may change my opinion upon completion.) Either way, instead of a crisis, I’d like to think I’m going through a “transition period”. I’m transitioning from the 42 year old in a 24 year old’s body to a probably around 35 year old in a 25 year old’s body. (I hope to break even around 27.) I love my life but am bored by most of it at the same time. It’s safe and comfortable but often uninspired and generally blase. I’m the faithful employee, loyal friend and independent daughter. But where’s the fun in that? I need a little drama (preferably not self-created), some excitement, positive stress, butterflies.
My mother and grandmother came into town for my birthday last week. It was wonderful. My mother joked about me never really being a “child”. Even at 8, I was a tiny adult, equip with strong opinions and the ability to intelligibly argue. It’s funny to think about that until you realize it’s probably true. Now, of course, I was a child and did childish things. But I’ve always acted as if I “knew better”. My mother even said that I wasn’t going through a quarterlife crisis. We were both just going through our midlife crises at the same time. (That math could make things very confusing.) I’ve always been called an “old soul”. I didn’t really do most of the dumb, excusable teenage/early twenties things. There was always a plan, a goal and an ability to see past the temporary intrigue. And while there’s nothing overly wrong with that, there is something a little sad about it. If I’m living like I’m 40 now, what’ll be interesting about actually being 40? I’ve joked (but was secretly terrified) that I’d regress about that time and look and/or act like a Ricki Lake guest. I need to act like I’m in my twenties while I’m still technically in my twenties. And I’m already half way done with that.
I’m not quite sure what “acting my age” looks like but I’m taking baby steps. Things like going out more than once a month (I don’t have anyone waiting on me and as long as I can make it to work the next day, what’s the harm?), embracing shorts again (I’ve been avoiding them for years but my thighs are only going to grow exponentially from this point), giving into impulses (probably a full post on that later), taking care of my body (I’m still not excited about organic foods but there’s nothing wrong with paying a little more attention to what I’m putting into my body or working out consistently enough to actually see a difference), or being social simply for the sake of being social (fighting looks of boredom or indifference in public settings).
Maybe all of this is just a phase and I’ll revert to being 40 again soon. If so, I hope I can cram 15 years worth of “being young” into whatever time I have left to enjoy this phase.
Consider this part one of my quarterlife crisis series.
Jo’van
The Truth: According to Jo'van 