Beautiful song. The live performance is even better than the album. But I’m just not here yet. Do I have to be?
India.Aire “Ready for Love”
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So I’ve written a lot about being single/alone/lonely lately. And while I have no new stories to tell to change any of that, I started thinking about something and would love to hear what you think. Is it possible to rebound from being single?
Context: A number of friends of mine are newly single. (The term newly is relative to the person and how long they were in a relationship.) A group of us are in fact celebrating “Single Ladies Night” or something like that this weekend. Each one of these newly singled people have experienced a rebound period. Now, I understand that technically everyone is a rebound after your first [fill in the blank] but for the purpose of this post, let’s consider a rebound to be the traditional possible-mistake-fun-temporary-distraction-from-your-loneliness-attractive person.
We often tell ourselves that rebounds are acceptable as long as you recognize them as being just that, something to make yourself feel better and to eventually move past. Okay, okay. You get out of a relationship. You get to “play around” for a while. That’s simple enough. But what’s it called when you’re reintroducing yourself to the possibility of the opposite sex (or same, whatever works for you) after a not-so-brief hiatus? Are you allowed to rebound from a long-term relationship with yourself?
That question may sound odd but stick with me. Of course, as with everything on this blog, this question is intensely personal, but I think it’s a valid question for discussion. Let’s say you have someone who’s avoided any type of more than platonic relationship for, say, 2 years or more. And let’s also add that that person’s no longer of college age or mentality. Does this person have to jump into something, date with a higher purpose, or put any other such limitations on themselves? Can they just treat this time as a rebound period to eventually move past?
Leaving perpetual singledom, a place with total control of your actions, emotions and circumstances, can be scary if not handled delicately. Is there room for working your way back in, the kiddie pool of dating? Yeah, that sounds about right; shallow, instantly warmer than the big pool and no need for the assistance of a ladder out.
Of course, no one should enter a relationship prematurely, just because it sounds like the “adult” thing to do. But if you’re not emotionally scarred, do you have an excuse to be selfish, blinded by temporary intrigue, or even, heaven forbid, opportunistic? I’m not saying I’ve done any of this…. But I’m also not saying I’m not capable. IF (yes, big if) a long-term single were to partake in some temporary intrigue, can you call it a rebound? Or are there other choice terms they’d be labeled with?
Hypothecially asking of course….
Jo’van
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The Truth: According to Jo'van 
to be very succinct, the answer is a resounding no. what you’re describing is simply a fling…
Well, of course it is. But the question I probably should’ve asked instead of can you is what’s the difference? Aren’t all rebounds limited-emotion flings? Sure, they can evolve into more but that doesn’t usually happen and that’s not how they typically start.
Webster’s defines a rebound as “recovery from an unhappy love affair.” By that definition, everyone is constantly rebounding until they find themselves in a happy relationship, regardless of whether they’re rebounding with another person or not.
Maybe they’re should just be another term for entering the dating pool again. A fling isn’t a well-rounded enough description.
I’m not sure what to label any of that and I wont venture any guesses or attempts at labeling cuz I got nothin but you and I are not in oh so different boats with regard to an extended hiatus, considering a dip into the pool post-graduate after the aforementioned hiatus, with some timidity and thus far, not much great luck, although not extended excessive efforts have been put into it either. granted i’m the guy though and stereoptypically the aggressor.
oh well. at least we’re both dang sexy.
Haha, Sub. At least there’s that…