This song doesn’t exactly fit but I just heard it this week and wanted to share. Vivian Green’s “Save Me”
When you meet someone and get to know them, whoever they are to you is simply whoever they are. Your time, experiences, conversations define who and what that person is. Whether they’re smart, silly, mean, a hard ass or a push over, you know them. Or at least you know a part of them. I doubt most people are naïve enough to think they know everything about someone else, but you do grow to consider yourself an expert of sorts.
I recently got to know a new person. We spent enough time together for me to feel comfortable in my judgment of that person and their character. Not everything is/was perfect and positive but the negative just helps define the character. I got to know this person. Good, bad, indifferent, laughter, arguments, I got to know this person.
Along comes a mutual friend to redefine that person. They’ve known the new person longer and in different lights. The things I’d chosen to ignore were BIG deals for the friend. The issues they’d experienced were foreign to me (although I could usually see it if I really wanted to admit it). While I trust my friend and take their opinions to heart, how do I reconcile these two interpretations of one person?
Were the things I learned life altering? No. Did I just discover this person is a murderer, rapist, chronic cheater, child hater, secret prostitute/gigolo or anything that severe or ridiculous? No, not at all. They’re just not the person I believed or wanted to believe they were. The things I excused hoping they were momentary may turn out to just be genuine character flaws. So now what?
Nothing really. Unless the new information is so shocking I lose respect for the person, it’s just new information. Now, it may make me question the nature and/or intensity of my relationship with this person, but it’s not necessarily a deal breaker. It could just force new contract negotiations.
Hopefully, new information about any situation just makes you evaluate what you know and how you feel about someone. And in this case, it’s done just that for me. This new information validates the unpleasant gut feelings I had but tried to suppress while also forcing me defend things I understood better. In the end, I am a curious person. I am analytical AND emotional. I want as much information as possible to feel my opinions are valid and my reactions are aligned with reality. Sometimes that level of information can only be gleaned from other people’s perspectives. No matter how unpleasant or disappointing.
Regaining faith in my gut again,
Jo’van
The Truth: According to Jo'van 