Enjoy the musical stylings of someone I just saw in concert but doubt would be chosen by American Idol either. (Not that I’m comparing, just saying)
Corinne Bailey Rae “Closer”
This week I auditioned for Season 10 of American Idol. (I couldn’t believe it’d been 10 years. I must confess I can only remember 7 of the 9. Is that bad? Oh well…) The process is simple (an initial cattle call with the producers) and very early( I had to be in line by 5 am. I only see that type of morning by accident). Anyway, after waiting for 7 hours, I was told I would not be the next American Idol. There was the initial pang of disappointment but then I picked up my purse and started to move on (figuratively and literally, it was a cattle call after all).
Being told you’re not good enough should have more of an impact if you really wanted something, right? Sure, being a part of American Idol would’ve been a dream come true but for some reason I wasn’t all that surprised and therefore not all that disappointed. I hadn’t really been able to envision myself in Hollywood, meeting Ryan Seacrest and trying to make teenagers and middle-aged moms simultaneously fall in love with me enough to text in votes. It just sounded like something I needed to do.
(Plus, I may have just set myself up. I chose to sing “My Funny Valentine.” It’s a great song but since my valentine this year turned out to be a bust, I may have still had that bad energy around the song…. Just a thought.)
I love music. Nothing moves me as much as sounds. Words alone have minimal power. And while images can be beautiful, nothing can twist or fill my heart as much as a good song. And I pretty much love it all. While r&b and jazz are what I listen to the most, I can appreciate a good country, rock or classical song. I like to mix it up. Borrow my iPod someday and you’ll understand. Give me something new to learn about.
However, my love for music never fully translated into loving to be a performer. I love singing. I enjoy being on stage and hearing my voice over a PA system. But that’s never been what I missed. I’ve missed hearing all of the sounds meld. I miss performing with a band. I miss almost getting distracted by the bass line and missing my cues. I miss forgetting there’s a crowd or audience and vibing with the other people on stage whether it was with a viola in my hand in orchestra, donning a robe in choir or 4 inch heels at a club with a band.
I also love writing. It’s not necessarily the process that I love because I don’t really have a process. Some songs start and never get finished while others are completed in two hours. However, I think it’s cool to hear other people sing what you wrote. They can styilze it as much as they want but in the end the song is mine, my words. That’s kind of a cool feeling, I must admit.
And I’m also good. I know we’re all supposed to be somewhat humble but I’ll accept that amongst other things, singing is a talent I possess, a talent I was given. Unfortunately, I never felt pushed enough to really hone my skill. Instead, I relied upon what came naturally and easily. If I can be good without practicing, who needs to be amazing? That kind of attitude probably has something to do with not being chosen. But I don’t care how amazing you are, it’s hard to display that in 5-7 seconds. I need to warm up. 🙂
Regardless, music is a part of me but being famous may not be in the stars. And that’s just fine. Despite having a certain level of talent, I never really had the desire. Fame is great and I’m not knocking it. If I had the opportunity, I’m sure I’d jump. But while it’s not a reality and I can be happy that my career does not depend as heavily on what I can do as what I look like. Hair, make-up, personal trainers and plastic surgery do not help me do my job. I think that’s often more important than the talent in music nowadays. I accept that American Idol is not meant for me. But at least I tried, I can’t complain if I don’t try, right?
Plus, I refuse to believe I wasn’t good enough. I just wasn’t what they were looking for. That has to be closer to the truth. Haha.
On to the next adventure,
Jo’van
The Truth: According to Jo'van 