Preliminary data from a birthrate study conducted by the National Center for Health Statistics titled “Births: Preliminary Data for 2007” was released last week. For most media, the 23-page report can be summed up in one or both of two key points:
1.) The historic 1950’s Baby Boom is over. More babies were born in the 2007 than any other year in US history, beating the long-standing record set in 1957.
2.) Wedding rings are having less and less bearing on childbirth in the US. Around 40% of mothers to newborns in 2007 were unmarried, up 26% since 2002.
While the first point marked an interesting historical development. The baby boomers are no longer the largest but in roughly ten articles I read about the study, only one of them mentioned this stat. Instead, everyone else focused on the unwed mothers.
Knowing several and understanding how easily this can become the case, I have nothing but respect for single, presumably unwed mothers. Raising children is not a task to be taken lightly. You are responsible for caring for and teaching another human being, whether they be the next Barack Obama, Britney Spears or Ted Bundy. I had so many people involved in my upbringing (parents, step-parents, grandparents) that I can’t imagine being the person I am without all of those people’s influences. A single, unwed mother is under immense pressure to provide for and protect her child(ren) while being ALL of those people.
With that said, I hope to never be a part of that statistic. Having grown up in a “mildly” religious family (my stepfather was just a minister, whatever), I get the whole “child born out of wedlock” thing but for the most part, people press that issue to encourage you not to have premarital sex. If you’ve already burst that bubble (or popped that cherry), there has to be more of a meaning. Unwed mothers get a lot of crap from religious people and often feel pressured to marry by their families (think Bristol Palin) but marriage, especially to the actual father, may not be the best option, if it’s an option at all.
Theoretically, you should only sleep with your husband/wife. But if that’s not the case, what do you do when the line’s blue? (While there are countless methods of birth control, sometimes they don’t work as well as thy should. If you’re not using any, I have little sympathy for any whining but still respect your choice, one way or the other.) There are countless scenarios we could play out but in the end, marrying the father is not an option. And that’s exactly what it should be, an OPTION.
Unwed/single mothers are not a problem. They’re just an overwhelming reality. Instead of judging them, we should be doing what we can to help them, build them up for doing it alone, not tearing them down for not rushing to the altar. Where’s the article about unwed fathers?
Personally, the reasons I hope to never be an unwed mother are a mixture of religious/family, financial and emotional issues.
1.) While I don’t think God would damn me for premarital sex that resulted in a life, my family would have a hard time dealing with it. I’d never be disowned but I’d rather avoid any “serious” conversations about future birth control methods with my father.
2.) I hope to be able to support a family on my eventual paycheck but I don’t want to HAVE to. Children and mortgages are expensive. A dual-income household would be preferred. Dual-income can happen without marriage but if we’re already there, I’d like to wear my white dress and make my friends look ridiculous in sea green bridesmaid dresses.
3.) As I’ve caused, raising a child is stressful. I’d prefer to have someone to share the burden/joy with. A partnership. If God blesses me with a child, I know that I’ll be able to care for it. I’d just like to be able to share that joy with someone else – and to have someone help me maintain my adult sanity.
4.) Children need balance. Single mothers and fathers have raised amazing children. But having grown up with men AND women very involved in the process, I’d hope my child(ren) would be able to experience that same reality.
I just hope if/when I see that little blue line, I can also see a wedding band on the hand holding it up.
Thankful to be currently unwed and childless,
Jo’van
The Truth: According to Jo'van 