I LOVE Live Music!!!!  There are not many things in life that are better (to me) than a band you like making you love them by sounding better live than they do on their album.  Give me a pair of concert tickets and a comfortable pair of tennis shoes and I am one happy camper UNTIL, of course, other concert goers get on my nerves.  It may be asking too much but I really wish people could exercise a little concert etiquette when attending a live performance, especially if it’s standing room only.  A few of my pet peeves:

• Hats — Unless it is an outdoor concert, there is little reason to wear a hat.  If you find it absolutely necessary to wear a hat, please do use all a favor and NOT wear one with a bill.  We’re all vying for valuable eye-level views.  Don’t be rude and block someone else’s if you can help it.
• Unnecessarily styled hair — Along the same lines or hats, big or obnoxiously tall hair is just rude.  Tame it down for the concert.  I know you want to express your individuality but a mohawk is annoying at a OneRepublic concert.  If you’re on a date, I understand wanting to look your best.  But the Gwen Stefani (redistributed Texas) poof is just stupid.  Bring it down, lighten up on the hair spray and please realize the people behind you don’t care how much time you spent to make it look that way.
• Big Curls — If your hair is naturally curly and full, I understand that it’s not always convenient to straighten it.  But could you AT LEAST put it in a pony tail.  Lion manes have a way of blocking the entire stage for the person behind you.
• Personal Space — A.K.A. elbow room.  At a sold out concert, you cannot reasonably expect a lot of room around you.  But I DO expect to be able to readjust my weight and not feel your heart beating or any other throbbing part of your body.  There is something called too close.  If I’m not dating you, I should not feel your breath on my neck.  
• Angling — Don’t assume that just because you got your elbow positioned in front of me that I’m going to back away to give you my entire spot.  Your elbow can just share my view. 
• Spastic Dancing to Slow Songs — I go to a lot of slow, mellow concerts.  There is absolutely no reason to dance seizure-style to a Robin Thicke song.  Hint: If the singer says “Break it Down”, he/she’s talking to the band 99.9% of the time.
• Talking During Opening Acts — They may not have been who you came to see but at least show them the respect of leaving the floor to get another drink.  Having a loud conversation during a quiet song is just plain rude and you probably have never performed on stage to a cold audience.  Plus, there are usually fans of the opening act who paid the big ticket price just to see them.  You can usually point them out.  They’re the ones who know all of the words and politely step back once the opening act has concluded their set.
• Acting More Drunk than You Are — This is usually a girl thing.  I don’t quite understand why.  If you’re truly that drunk, please just do us all a favor and pull out your ponytail holder and find the nearest toilet to position yourself above.  Otherwise, shut the hell up.  This may be your night with the girls but the rest of us actually came here to HEAR the band not hope to make out with them later.
• Making Babies on the Floor — Yes, it’s a very romantic concert.  The music and the vocals serenading, setting the mood…. IF you were home.  Hold your girlfriend, stroke your boyfriend but PLEASE refrain from rubbing and humping.  It creates a really awkward situation for everyone around you.  We’d probably give you more space if it weren’t a standing room only concert.
• Big purses — You knew you were coming to a concert.  There is absolutely no reason to bring your Mary Poppins carpet bag to the concert.  Plan, pair it down and keep it simple.  Your big purse ends up either taking up the space of a small person or hitting me with every beat.  I seriously doubt you’re going to need your agenda, finger nail clippers, iPod connector and 20 oz bottle of lotion at the concert.  If I’m wrong, I apologize to you, MacGyver.
• Judging People for Doing EXACTLY What You’re Doing — If you pushed to the front, don’t get mad when someone does it to you a song later.  If you screamed when they started playing your favorite song, don’t roll your eyes when someone else does two songs later.  If you tried to grab that t-shirt, don’t get pissy because someone else grabbed it first.  It’s just part of the experience.  Be prepared to be surrounded by people who think just the way you do.
• Assuming Age Seniority — This may sound ageist but I have come to loathe old(er) people at concerts.  There’s just something about a group of 50-somethings who know they’re probably the age of my parents.  You are not MY mother.  I’m not going to let you stand in front of me because you were born 25+ years before me.  All that means is that you’ve had 25+ more years of good concerts to attend.  I’m just playing catch up.  You’re 13 year-old daughter taking pictures with her phone with the full keyboard, maybe.  But not you.

There are several other things that suck but there’s little you can do about it.  I’d love to ask all people over 6’2 to not attend the same concerts as me but then my 5’1 roommate could say my 5’9 shadow is too much.  I get it.  You’re tall.  I just have to try to get beside, not behind you.  It sucks when you get stuck behind a pole.  Just plan better.  If the person behind you is tone deaf as they sing along to EVERY song, it sucks but unless they’re screaming, it just something you have to deal with.  Just hope no one hears you when you start really feeling the music.

Considering a spiked coat for her next concert,

Jo’van

November 29, 2008
Categories: No Patience For You (SIGH), Whole Truth, The . Tags: concert, courtesy, etiquette, live music . Author: tjovand . Comments: Leave a comment