The World…As I See It: Striving to be an Expert at Something

Not a “good” song but the first one that came to mind…

When I Grow Up – Pussycat Dolls

When we were all in primary school, family, teachers and friends constantly asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”.  If you were anything like me, the answer to that question changed quite drastically, quite often.  (That is if you had an answer at all…)

At my kindergarten graduation, I proudly, and much to the surprise of my mother, announced that unlike my female classmates who wanted to be doctors or ballerinas, I wanted to be a policewoman (emphasis on the woman).  By elementary school I’d moved on to a more traditional veterinarian, only to develop an allergy to cats.  During middle school, I wanted to be a pop singer.  In junior high, a criminologist.  And by college, I happily followed the degree track for public relations.

At those times in my life, my goals and decisions were based solely on perception.  I have no idea where the policewoman came from but for everything else, those careers seemed cool and were (somewhat) related to my interests.  I loved dogs so obviously I was supposed to become a vet.  Music has been a long time passion of mine and I have a pretty good singing voice (patting myself on the back) so a pop singer it was.

Due to my analytical and potentially scientific mind and far too many episodes of Law and Order and CSI, a criminologist sounded pretty cool.  The idea of being a (functional) part of the justice system and proving people wrong without having to carry a gun or put myself in any real danger sounded like a great idea to me.

Our senior year high school counselor for whatever reason suggested I consider public relations.  I understood little more than the concept of a publicist but with a little research, PR sounded like a good fit.  I studied it for four years, learned just how relative it was, felt confident I had the necessary skill sets and GOT A JOB a month after I graduated!!!  Three years of loyal service was simply not enough to keep me employed during the “Great Recession.”  Working in a non-essential industry when your clients are facing financial and employee losses is not a good place to be… LAID OFF!

A couple of months later, I was fortunate enough to land a position in economic development for a prosperous city.  And there I am.  Very interesting, right?  Ok, probably not so much but my point is I have no better idea what I want to be when I grow up now than I did in kindergarten.  The only thing that’s really changed is having a better idea of what I DON’T want to be.

I’ve worked in areas that I was “good at” but that I didn’t find all that interesting.  In other words, I could do it but didn’t really want to.  The idea of becoming an “expert” in those areas sounded like a chore, rather than a goal.  A possibility, not a passion.

This concept of becoming an expert in my job is neither to my credit nor discredit.  It’s a part of my current boss’s mantra.  She wants her staff to be more than just “good” at what we do.  She wants us to strive to be and to also be considered by other people experts in our areas.  For the sake of her/our business, that goal makes complete sense.  In an industry/job equally influenced by skill AND perception, we need to be experts on the topic or at least on the experts.  The concept being sound there are still two very important questions to ask: 1.) Can YOU become an expert in your area? and 2.) Do you WANT to?  It’s okay if you can’t say immediately say yes to either but you should be working your way toward a definitive answer.

I have a strong feeling I’m not in my final career path.  Who knows where life experiences, tv shows, personal suggestions and random encounters will take me?  All I can hope is they’ll all lead me to a place I love and want to be.  I hope to be able to do more than sufficiently answer the question.  I hope to be able to find ways to get you to ask the question just so I can answer it with more information than you knew you wanted.  🙂  To be a fountain of knowledge, however useless it might be.  I’ve started that collection of random information in relation to contemporary music.  But maybe I should work on identifying a more “realistic” or at least useful subject.  I need another passion.

Two questions for you: What are you an “expert” in and is that in any way related to your current occupation?

Jo’van

The World…As I See It: Alas, An Idol I Am Not

Enjoy the musical stylings of someone I just saw in concert but doubt would be chosen by American Idol either.  (Not that I’m comparing, just saying)

Corinne Bailey Rae “Closer”

This week I auditioned for Season 10 of American Idol.  (I couldn’t believe it’d been 10 years.  I must confess I can only remember 7 of the 9.  Is that bad? Oh well…)  The process is simple (an initial cattle call with the producers) and very early( I had to be in line by 5 am.  I only see that type of morning by accident).  Anyway, after waiting for 7 hours, I was told I would not be the next American Idol.  There was the initial pang of disappointment but then I picked up my purse and started to move on (figuratively and literally, it was a cattle call after all).

Being told you’re not good enough should have more of an impact if you really wanted something, right?  Sure, being a part of American Idol would’ve been a dream come true but for some reason I wasn’t all that surprised and therefore not all that disappointed.  I hadn’t really been able to envision myself in Hollywood, meeting Ryan Seacrest and trying to make teenagers and middle-aged moms simultaneously fall in love with me enough to text in votes.  It just sounded like something I needed to do.

(Plus, I may have just set myself up.  I chose to sing “My Funny Valentine.”  It’s a great song but since my valentine this year turned out to be a bust, I may have still had that bad energy around the song…. Just a thought.)

I love music.  Nothing moves me as much as sounds.  Words alone have minimal power.  And while images can be beautiful, nothing can twist or fill my heart as much as a good song.  And I pretty much love it all.  While r&b and jazz are what I listen to the most, I can appreciate a good country, rock or classical song.  I like to mix it up.  Borrow my iPod someday and you’ll understand.  Give me something new to learn about.

However, my love for music never fully translated into loving to be a performer.  I love singing.  I enjoy being on stage and hearing my voice over a PA system.  But that’s never been what I missed.  I’ve missed hearing all of the sounds meld.  I miss performing with a band.  I miss almost getting distracted by the bass line and missing my cues.  I miss forgetting there’s a crowd or audience and vibing with the other people on stage whether it was with a viola in my hand in orchestra, donning a robe in choir or 4 inch heels at a club with a band.

I also love writing.  It’s not necessarily the process that I love because I don’t really have a process.  Some songs start and never get finished while others are completed in two hours.  However, I think it’s cool to hear other people sing what you wrote.  They can styilze it as much as they want but in the end the song is mine, my words.  That’s kind of a cool feeling, I must admit.

And I’m also good.  I know we’re all supposed to be somewhat humble but I’ll accept that amongst other things, singing is a talent I possess, a talent I was given.  Unfortunately, I never felt pushed enough to really hone my skill.  Instead, I relied upon what came naturally and easily.  If I can be good without practicing, who needs to be amazing?  That kind of attitude probably has something to do with not being chosen.  But I don’t care how amazing you are, it’s hard to display that in 5-7 seconds.  I need to warm up.  🙂

Regardless, music is a part of me but being famous may not be in the stars.  And that’s just fine.  Despite having a certain level of talent, I never really had the desire.  Fame is great and I’m not knocking it.  If I had the opportunity, I’m sure I’d jump.  But while it’s not a reality and I can be happy that my career does not depend as heavily on what I can do as what I look like.  Hair, make-up, personal trainers and plastic surgery do not help me do my job.  I think that’s often more important than the talent in music nowadays.  I accept that American Idol is not meant for me.  But at least I tried, I can’t complain if I don’t try, right?

Plus, I refuse to believe I wasn’t good enough.  I just wasn’t what they were looking for.  That has to be closer to the truth.  Haha.

On to the next adventure,

Jo’van

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