I couldn’t find a song to address the topic of my post so I settled on some high-energy, neon-colored, baggy, condom-as-accessories wearing TLC circa 1993. “What About Your Friends”
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I’ve spent the past few days with my family in Phoenix. My younger sisters are still technically teenagers and have high school friends in and out of the house all the time. While school shopping, my youngest sister continued to run into friends. Oh, youth. I was told that at 25 I’m old by a 17-year-old. While I personally disagree, I wanted to quickly leave the situation. I have no desire to go back to high school but still… Aside from feeling a little old and nostalgic as one sister starts her senior year of high school and the other gears up to move to California for college, I miss having friends that you were tied to by nothing more than sharing a class.
Junior high, high school, even college, aside from flirting and fighting, you were surrounded by people your own age with nothing else to do but figure out something together. A friend recently made the point that that’s why so many people find their mates in college. Four years in a small area with thousands of people within three years of your age. The odds have to be in your favor. Graduating and entering the real world, you lose that easy access to potential friends with more things in common than working in the same office, living in the same apartment complex or going to the same gym. Sure, a campus atmosphere may help to foster romantic relationships but it also allows for easy access to platonic relationships.
As an adult in the real world (granted my real world is limited), I find it much more difficult to foster relationships that are genuine. I’ve been lucky to make friends with the people I’ve worked with. However, as I move onto the next professional endeavour (whatever it is), I wonder if my next office/store will have people of similar age, interest and personality. Will I become the “young, unmarried” one in the office? What then?
Another thing I’ve realized about being an “adult” is the minimal purely platonic interaction with the opposite sex. Any single, straight man that I am cordial with now is tied to some aspect of work or is someone else’s friend (usually from high school or college). Gone seem to be the days of just hanging out with friends who happen to be male. Without the platonic common ground to start the conversation, most of my interactions with the opposite sex are under the guise of flirting. Sure, that can be fun but once one of you realizes there’s no spark, it’s often difficult to establish a friendship when there hadn’t been one to begin with.
I miss guy friends, the male perspectives, the big brothers, the ridiculous little brothers. I miss laughing at the stupid comments, complete inability to dress, or snap judgements of the opposite sex. I miss watching football, or grilling, or sitting around in whatever was the closest and cleanest. I like men. I mean I love them and are attracted to them and all. But I also just really love being around men. Because I’m pretty high-maintenance and catty, I don’t particularly care to be around women all of the time. Sometimes I need a break from talking about weight, hair, relationships (real and completely in our heads), clothes, shoes. I’m not saying that women as a whole or my friends are shallow (or my male friends for that matter are all that deep). We discuss whatever comes to mind with few filters. It’s just that what comes to my mind around women and men is usually different. I miss being able to explore that other side every now and again. Sometimes I’d just rather be in the company of people who are not going to over-analyze more than I have. Rather than offer alternative suggestions, I get straight answers.
At my age, it seems I should be (and am) concerned with finding my next romantic relationship. However, sometimes/most times I wouldn’t mind just hanging out with a male friend without the quotation marks or hope of something different.
In search of her new platonic beau,
Jo’van
The Truth: According to Jo'van 