So this Halloween I did it. I did what every judgemental woman and man loves to see on Halloween so they can feel justified in their judgement. I fulfilled the stereotype of women who just want an excuse to be naked in public. I looked like a Halloween Ho. Please note I said looked like a Halloween Ho. Actions would require an entirely different post. I just dressed the part.
While I generally judge, I can’t really say anything against people deciding to be half-naked in public. Do what you do. It just provides me with more things to point and laugh at. So as one of these perpetually judgemental people, why would I volunteer to be cold and naked in public at the end of October?
There’s not a good answer to that question. Or at least there’s not one that sounds good. To be perfectly honest, the situation simply presented itself. Between feeling more confident in my body, caring (a little) less about what strangers think of me, enjoying the company of my friends, having flatter abs than ever and someone providing me with the outfit AND shoes, saying no just would’ve been stubborn. Not wrong, just stubborn. I never did the teenage/college Halloween Ho thing. I’ve always been covered and warm. For whatever reason, the outfits never really caught my attention. I mean of course I noticed that attention they did grab but somehow I was above all of that. This year, I wasn’t above, below, beside, behind, or anything else. I was indifferent and thought “what the hell?”
Any regrets? No, not really. I could use the justification that I was more covered than I would be at a beach. But that scenario is flawed because I wouldn’t be the only person in a bathing suit. Dressing like a pirate wench with her chest elevated, abs exposed and boots covering 4 times as much skin as her skirt, I didn’t expect to see too many people looking like me. And to make things even worse, we spent our evening on the “classy” side 6th street, the infamous bar area of Austin. (Yes, there are other interesting/entertaining districts, but 6th street is well known.) Instead of hanging out with the 19 year olds with fake IDs and more skin showing than clothes, I instead hung out with the “I’m too old east 6th but still want to get drunk at a bar downtown on Halloween” crowd. The median age was probably a year or two older than me and the metabolisms had already begun to slow down. We were past the “all I consume is beer and pizza and I’m still a size 4” times in our lives. The gym or bigger clothes are our only options.
And to be perfectly honest, I was uncomfortable at first. The outfit was borrowed but I was still the most naked of my group. (In fact, the lady I borrowed the outfit from was fully covered this year. That’s just not fair.) I wasn’t ready to be judged the way I judge. But some vampire vodka, supportive friends, and realization that I would probably never see any of the people who might judge me again helped me get over it. Bare the abs, fishnet the legs, zip up the boots, gloss the lips and straighten the wig, I’m ready to go.
Blushing after a car full of men yelled “Captain Jack Sparrow”. Thanks, guys. Thanks.
Jo’van
Fishnet Bar Battlewounds
I’ve already picked my outfit for next year. As long as I get my legs in shape, I’ll be in search of a crazy blond wig, a dress with more fringe than length and Hanes stockings. Tina Turner here I come!
The Truth: According to Jo'van 