9-year-old Ice Skating to “Whip My Hair” By Willow Smith. Between the skater being adorable, the song being a late 2010 hit, it being one of the big songs during the bar New Year’s celebrations and the fact that it’s supposed to be about being comforatble with yourself, I couldn’t resist.
Another year has passed. The good, the bad and the ugly have all happened. But in the end (as always), I emerged victorious. I’ve loved. Hated. Feared. Cheered. Been praised and berated. Questioned my worth and counted my blessings. 2010 was a good year. Now enter 2011.
I wish I could be more philosophical. But I’m momentarily at a loss. I currently have almost everything I’ve ever wanted. (If I don’t have it, I’m on track to…) All things considered, there are six crucial components of my life. With each, there’s some definite work to be done but things are promising:
1.) Family: I jokingly complain about my large, very 90s family, especially around Christmas. Having ten people in your immediate family is no Christmas shopping joke. But I’m blessed to have all four of my parents and six of my siblings (and now my brother-in-law and niece, not to mention the grandmas…). We all look, sound, think and feel differently but there’s a spoken (and unspoken) bond: love. Over the years, I’ve learned to live only in my current “life”, allowing all other things from former or “other” lives to slip into the subconscious. I believe that probably came from toggling between homes, parents, siblings, bedrooms, parts of the country. However, it just takes that one trip home to remind me how unnecessary that coping mechanism is at this point in my life. As with every year, in 2011, I resolve to stay in better contact with the people who have to love me. For whatever awkwardness I ever felt about randomly reaching out, I can now cope out with Facebook. It’s better than nothing…
2.) Friends: Simply put I have wonderful friends. And as much as I may not like to admit and/or adapt to it, relationships change. The people I’ve grown to love and trust, I’ll always love and trust but we’re not always going to mean the same things to each other. Rather than fight that reality, I’m learning to be thankful for what I had and who I shared it with. When you stop working with someone or living with someone or regularly hanging out with someone, it can be difficult to “stay in touch”. I’ve always done what was easy. The people (emotionally) closest to me were often the people (physically) closest to me. As with my family, if I truly value the relationship, I have to 1.) accept things will change and 2.) not allow something to die just because it’s no longer convenient. In 2011, I resolve to be a good friend instead of sometimes just an easy one.
3.) Love: Most years, I don’t even mention this one. I’ve always wanted to be in a good relationship. But my track record was less than promising. I accepted if/when something was meant to happen, it would simply happen. I stopped hoping for it and, to be completely honest, being entirely open to it. My 2 1/2 break from everything was no joke. However, I can happily (and confidently) say, despite my best efforts, I’m in a good relationship now. I am with someone I respect, admire, am attracted to, amused by, comforted by, and am proud to be with. Even better, I believe he feels the same way about me. A healthy, honest boyfriend/girlfriend, meet your family and friends, entertain the word “we” relationship. A novel idea, I know. In 2011, I resolve to not sabotaging “us”.
4.) Career: 2009 forced major changes in my career path. From agency PR to unemployment to economic development in the last few months of the year. 2010 found me really understanding what that industry and my position meant. As with any job, not everything was perfect. But it was educational. I feel better informed and, more importantly, more confident in my skills, both technical and interpersonal. In 2011, I resolve to continue to move forward, whatever direction that might be.
5.) Faith: This one’s touchy for me. Growing up a “preacher’s daughter”, church was a big part of my life. The rules, the services, the songs, the process. But my personal faith has always been something tied to struggles. When things are well, I thank God out of obligation. But I can’t say that we really talk. When things are bad, I can’t stop talking. I know our relationship needs some work. As much as I’d like to argue that relationship could be repaired anywhere, I think I need the either the structure or the comfort of a church family. In 2011, I resolve to find my church home in Austin.
6.) Happiness: While the prior five components play a large part in defining my happiness, one big factor is simply being open to allowing it. For whatever reason(s), I’ve sought to prevent my own happiness. I don’t know if I didn’t feel I deserved or had earned it or if I was too pessimistic to trust it but I’ve been able to prevent a consistent, natural happiness with my own life. Momentary happiness is impossible to avoid. But that lasting, confident, easy contentment has often evaded me. People will always be smarter, richer, prettier, “luckier”, whatever other -er you want than me. But happier is all on me. I have family, friends, career, faith, health and an open future. Last year, I resolved to be happy. While I wasn’t perfect, I think I did pretty well. So in 2011, I resolve to be happy. Hopefully, I can follow my own trend.
Happy New Year,
Jo’van
The Truth: According to Jo'van 