Oh, babies! When we see one, our initial reaction is to want to think it’s cute and precious and perfect. Yes, babies are a blessing and a miracle and all that fun stuff. But they are also A LOT OF WORK. Picking out their outfits and kissing their freshly cleaned chubby cheeks is all great and wonderful but waking up at all hours of the night, chasing them around the house as they learn to crawl, walk, run, making sure all sharp objects and edges are covered, all liquids out of reach, feeding intellectual stimulation and cleaning everything all the time can be a bit exhaustive.
If you believe you’re ready for a child, may I suggest first getting a puppy? (Kittens are great also but a little less involved.) Puppies are children you can crate during the day. You still have to feed and bathe them, play with and soothe them, and a pacifer is a new rawhide. They’re just a little easier to manage first. Consider it practice for the real thing. If you’re unsure, please let me offer to rent you my puppy Rodman. A short while with him might make you want to put away those American Baby magazines for a while.
Rodman is my year-old black cock-a-poo (cocker spaniel/ toy poodle mix) puppy love. He’s honestly adorable. Being completely black, he pretty much has no face. Most of the time, you can only see a black curly blob with shiny eyes. While I love him with all my heart, I just want to kill him sometimes.
Cocker spaniels are known to have weak bladders, sprinkling a little when they get excited. While it’s gross, I could handle the occasional piddle on the floor. Rodman takes it to a whole different level. While housebroken in the sense that he knows it’s wrong to pee inside, Rodman (I believe) has some psychological issues. If you move too quickly, bend down too suddenly, reach for him without calling his name, or try to put his leash on, there’s a 50/50 chance that Rodman will pee. And I don’t mean a scared squirt. I’m talking a full-out squat. (I got him neutered early so he never learned to lift his leg.)
I don’t know what happened to him before he came to live with us. At four months, it’s completely possible that he experienced some not nice things that stuck with him But my roommate and I are loving pet owners. I’ll admit that I’m the harsher disciplinarian and both dogs cower when I get pissed. But Rodman doesn’t have a reason to really fear me. Instead, he just infuriates me and then looks up at me sheepishly. I don’t care how cute something is. Three puddles on the floor (in the carpet!) are going to piss me off. (Pun not intended.)
I’ll give him credit, Rodman is getting better. Instead of letting us know he needs to go out, Rodman has just learned to hold it for HOURS. Occasionally, he’ll really screw up like last night and then I just want to kill him. I almost think it’s worse. Dogs have such short memories that a 15-second old accident may be too far back for them to remember it but that doesn’t stop me from holding a grudge against my pee-dispensing black mop.
I recognize that Rodman is in no way a baby but just dealing with him reminds me how unready I am for kids. I can’t leave my kid in it’s crate for hours, rush home, let it out, feed it, and leave again, or get mad at it for messing up in the house. For now, Rodman is plenty work for me (and my roommate). Between the two dogs and our jobs, my roommate and I are good. Maybe babies down the line for me but for now, I’ll deal with my bladder-control-issued dog.
Re-stocking pet carpet cleaner,
Jo’van
The Truth: According to Jo'van 