Eye of the Beholder: The Inconvenience of Vanity

This song is so ridiculous I couldn’t resist.  Christina Aguilera’s “Vanity” (featuring images of the Evil Queen from Sleeping Beauty)

I’ve been thinking about the concept of vanity a lot lately.  It’s a term that usually takes a negative connotation but for me it all depends on your point.  We are all vain.  Some people more so than others but we are all vain.

We care about how we look and hope to be considered attractive.  You can go as far as plastic surgery or just spend an extra little money on that hair gel that “really” works for “your” hair.  (Unless you’re like Suave or my brother, and then you may pay a little extra for the best shave gel or blades to keep your head “smooth.”)  I know that I feel better when my hair is permed, eyebrows arched, toenails painted, legs shaved, clothes fitted, shoes unscuffed, jewelry matching, perfume on, etc.  I spend a lot of time (and money) on maintaining what I have or distracting from what I don’t.  Nice butt? Pencil skirts.  Long legs? Slim pants.  Small chest? Ruffles.  No upper lip? Play up the eyes.

Now do I work that hard every day? No, I don’t have enough energy for all of that.  Although I value being well put together, I do my best to just look put together, not obviously spending 45 minutes on my hair, 30 minutes on my makeup and an hour assembling that ensemble.  (Hint: It helps when your entire wardrobe is black, white and grey. J )  Regardless, I get upset or feel bad when I look in a mirror and my hair’s doing something crazy, my mascara has smeared or I get a run in my stockings.  And if it’s not something easily fixable, it can bug me for hours.

But if it’s just caring about how you look why consider it vanity rather than just looking good?  Because my mascara is just as unnecessary as a nose job.  It simply costs less and doesn’t involve cutting and therefore is more “normal.”  If I can’t be happy with the way I look clean faced and in sweatpants (or god forbid naked), everything I do to look better after that is due to vanity.  I go to the gym to look good in my existing clothes, not for my health.  Therefore it’s vanity.  The things I do to my hair are not good for it but I’ve convinced myself harsh chemicals and prolonged heat make me pretty. Vanity.  Acne is not unhealthy but it sure is unattractive, so two face washes (one for deep cleaning and the other exfoliation, haha) and two acne products later, I’m closer to clear.  Vanity.  Showering should be sufficient but perfume lingers (in a good way).  Obviously my eyelids are not a dusty lavender with dark brown shading but it matches my outfit. Crooked teeth don’t affect my well-being, just my self-esteem.  So thousands of dollars and years in braces later, I can confidently smile. Vanity.

My point: vanity is normal.  And although we all get annoyed at the people who constantly strive to prove how attractive they are or drive us crazy with their complaints of a lack of beauty, we’re all there is some way.  When we step out of the shower, into our closet, in front of a mirror, out of the salon/barbershop, into of the tanning booth, out of the gym, or into a dressing room.  So when I get annoyed at those that go overboard, I have to remember it’s not hard for someone to  tear apart my regiments.

I admit and embrace my vanity.  How about you?

Jo’van

Quarterlife Crisis: Making Happiness a Choice

The inspiration for this song may be a little different but in the end, Luther and I are saying the same thing.  Make the most of your current situation.  Luther Vandross “Love the One You’re With”

Recently I’ve been mulling over the idea of making happiness a choice.  People regularly seem to make conscious decisions to be unhappy, to focus on only the negative, to point out the faults of all those around them.  Is it possible to do the opposite?  Can you choose to be happy?

I’m not asking if we should choose to be delusional.  If something is wrong in your life, it’s simply wrong.  But following excellent grandma advice, why don’t more people spend time counting their blessings than listing their hardships?  If I counted my blessings instead of sheep to go to sleep, I’d always get to sleep.  They’re somewhat endless if I’m being honest and not selfish.

It seems for many people (myself often included) identifying your issues with a situation is always easier than finding comfort in what’s right.  Although this could apply to any possible life situation, as evident by the responses to a recent Facebook post along the same lines, it’s easy to equate this with romantic situations/relationships.  And why not?  People have a tendency to “settle” in romantic relationships probably more than any other situation.  Family: Well, you’re born with them.  Friends: You chose them and losing them is sad but maybe not the worse thing ever.  Work: Most people would enjoy doing something else but you’re getting a paycheck so… But boyfriends/girlfriends: You’re investing time and it can be difficult to admit that was a poor investment.  I’ve done it.  I’ve settled in the past for the chance at a fulfilling relationship only to be filled full of anger, hurt or absolute indifference.  Luckily, I’m not currently in a situation like that.  🙂  But I can understand the jumping to conclusions, people.

Anyway….My point is regardless of the type of situation you find yourself in can you choose to be happy?  To make the most of it and roll with the punches?  What does being miserable at work do for you?  Either look for another position or suck it up.  Bosses aren’t always going to see your potential or value your opinion and co-workers are not always going to work as hard as you do.  If you’re currently having a “thing” with a friend or family member, do you love that person enough to just squash it?  Sure, it may be something that needs to be dealt with so it’s not repeated but rather than fight to win, can you just fight to move on?  It’s exceptionally hard to pay your bills right now.  Is stressing about it going to help in any way?  Can you just be thankful that it’s “barely” instead of “impossible”?  You’ve gained weight or are losing your hair.  Sure, we’d all like to look or best but do you really look “bad” or just not your ideal? I’m sure you get my point.

Pessimism is part of my “thing”.  I’m a smart-ass who doesn’t let things slide and revels in tearing things apart.  However, that personality type is often very unhappy as well.  Sure, my reaction can cause a few laughs for others but it’s usually at the expense of someone/something else.  By making a conscious choice to be happy, I’m also having to make a conscious choice to be less judgmental.  I think that’s going to be hard….

Not miserable therefore very happy,

Jo’van

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