The World…As I See It: Important People vs. Important Experiences

This song came on Pandora as I was proofreading and I didn’t have any other ideas for the post….

Our life is made up of essentially two things: important people and important experiences.  The distinction may be too subtle to normally distinguish but it’s a concept that I’ve played with for awhile.  As I see it, there are people who mean something to you and memories that mean something to you and they may not always be of equal importance.

Let’s say for instance, you had a school friend growing up who decided for some reason to end the friendship.  The pain, confusion of that one-sided decision may have stuck with you and taught you something.  Maybe it’s that people can be flaky or not every friend is meant to be a best friend.  Or you had a co-worker who routinely threw people under the bus when the pressure was on.  Although you no longer wanted to have a relationship with that person, you learned something from them.  You learned how to cover your ass and be prepared to avoid people like that in the future.  Or an ex who liked you best in a t-shirt, jeans and no make-up.  Maybe from/with him you learned other people could see you as pretty without all of the artificial additions.  A stranger checking you ID at the airport told you you should smile more b/c your smile’s so nice on your license.  (That’s actually happened but in my defense I wasn’t smiling b/c it was 6 in the morning and I was the airport…)

Then we switch to the people. Maybe there was a special teacher who was the first person not blood related to to see your potential and encourage you.  An old friend you grew apart from but had no problem starting up where you left off 10 years later.  An ex who made you realize it is possible to hate someone you love.  A choir director you thought hated you but it was just that they expected more of you.  A boss who knew you were worth more than your paycheck.

The possibilities could be endless and easily intermingled.  Generally important people are a part of our important experiences.  The distinction for me is whether I think more about how I felt and what I learned than what they said and where they are now.  Everyone enters our lives for a reason.  Some are meant to teach us something and disappear into the sea of faces while others are specially designed for us and our needs.  Count your blessings for the important people wherever they may be and however long it’s been since they touched your life.

Jo’van

Quarterlife Crisis: Reminiscing: A Double-Edged Sword

Oh, golden Michael.  This is probably my favorite music video of all time.  Michael Jackson’s “Remember the Time”

Vodpod videos no longer available.

I wasn’t exactly sure how to classify this post.  Should it go under Romantic Cynic, Friendly Drama, Family Values, or something entirely different?  We can reminisce about just about anything, any type of circumstance or relationship.  Sure, romantic may have a physical aspect to remember but friendly could have equally strong inside jokes and family dominating scents or visuals.  All in all, I couldn’t decide and decided it’s actually a catchall issue, a part of my current quarterlife crisis.

The last few months have been eventful.  Good, bad and ugly.  There are parts about the summer to 2009 that I’d care to forget and others I hope I never do.  So much of this summer centered around the past; people I knew, places I’d gone, decisions I’d made (or avoided), things I’d said and done.  It’s always nice when karma comes back to visit.  I’ve done so many good and bad things in my life that I’m never quite sure if I care for the visits.  “Oh Jo’van, I’m back.  Because you [fill in the blank] three years ago, [fill in the blank] is going to happen to you now.”  Thanks, karma.  Thanks a lot.

Anyway, with karma making itself entirely too comfortable on my couch, I’ve spent unnecessary hours reminiscing; when things were good, when my life sucked more than it does now (or at least it felt that way at the time), when someone made me feel loved, when someone (or the same person) made me feel pathetic, when I had friends forever and new enemies everyday, when I liked the way I looked, when I couldn’t stand to look in the mirror, when I was smart, when I felt stupid.  It always amazes me how much I remember and how much of it I wish I didn’t.

There is nothing wrong with reminiscing.  It’s always good to remember where the person that you are today came from.  Who made you think that would be okay, or this was wrong?  When did you decide to do this and swore to never do that again?  Who made you feel happiest and who made you feel less than?  When did you first taste this or last like to do that?  However, the issue I’ve begun to raise with reminiscing is how much is stings regardless.

Instead of finding lasting joy in remembering the “good” things/times, I find myself almost bitter I’m not experiencing them now.  And instead of being happy I’m not in the midst of the “bad” things/time now, I just find myself reliving the pain of those times again.  Things have a wonderful opportunity to continue to get worse from here.  Inviting those memories into a already [fill in the blank] mind can actually not be healing.  For right now, it’s just further frustrating.

This is not to say that I find no joy in my memories.  I have so many wonderful things to be happy about, proud of, etc,  I just think that for the time being I need to focus on my uncertain, shaky future rather than my defined, unchanging past.  I can only imagine what I’ll feel about this time in my life 3, 6, 14 years from now.  Everyone is of course defined by their past but who’s to say you can’t custom-design the next revised definition?  I can only spend so much time remembering who I was.  I need to know who I am right now, the good, the bad and the ugly.  Everything else is just a good story to tell, if and when you’re up to it.

Reminiscing can be a double-edged sword and I’m not the biggest fan of bleeding,

Jo’van

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