Beautiful song. The live performance is even better than the album. But I’m just not here yet. Do I have to be?
India.Aire “Ready for Love”
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So I’ve written a lot about being single/alone/lonely lately. And while I have no new stories to tell to change any of that, I started thinking about something and would love to hear what you think. Is it possible to rebound from being single?
Context: A number of friends of mine are newly single. (The term newly is relative to the person and how long they were in a relationship.) A group of us are in fact celebrating “Single Ladies Night” or something like that this weekend. Each one of these newly singled people have experienced a rebound period. Now, I understand that technically everyone is a rebound after your first [fill in the blank] but for the purpose of this post, let’s consider a rebound to be the traditional possible-mistake-fun-temporary-distraction-from-your-loneliness-attractive person.
We often tell ourselves that rebounds are acceptable as long as you recognize them as being just that, something to make yourself feel better and to eventually move past. Okay, okay. You get out of a relationship. You get to “play around” for a while. That’s simple enough. But what’s it called when you’re reintroducing yourself to the possibility of the opposite sex (or same, whatever works for you) after a not-so-brief hiatus? Are you allowed to rebound from a long-term relationship with yourself?
That question may sound odd but stick with me. Of course, as with everything on this blog, this question is intensely personal, but I think it’s a valid question for discussion. Let’s say you have someone who’s avoided any type of more than platonic relationship for, say, 2 years or more. And let’s also add that that person’s no longer of college age or mentality. Does this person have to jump into something, date with a higher purpose, or put any other such limitations on themselves? Can they just treat this time as a rebound period to eventually move past?
Leaving perpetual singledom, a place with total control of your actions, emotions and circumstances, can be scary if not handled delicately. Is there room for working your way back in, the kiddie pool of dating? Yeah, that sounds about right; shallow, instantly warmer than the big pool and no need for the assistance of a ladder out.
Of course, no one should enter a relationship prematurely, just because it sounds like the “adult” thing to do. But if you’re not emotionally scarred, do you have an excuse to be selfish, blinded by temporary intrigue, or even, heaven forbid, opportunistic? I’m not saying I’ve done any of this…. But I’m also not saying I’m not capable. IF (yes, big if) a long-term single were to partake in some temporary intrigue, can you call it a rebound? Or are there other choice terms they’d be labeled with?
Hypothecially asking of course….
Jo’van
The Truth: According to Jo'van 