Do you have that person that knows everything about you but drives you absolutely crazy?  Who understands exactly how you work and what makes you tick but seems to make no efforts not to set you off?  And you’re NOT romantically involved?  That would be my roommate, Mary.

I love her.  She’s the Puerto Rican sister I never had (or wanted). Aside from our bitchy-ness and complete avoidance of relationships, we are complete opposites.  I am tall, she is short.  I am permanently tan, she is perpetually pale.  I am a proverbial stick (or log as my mother says), she is a s bootylicious, kid-size coke bottle.  I am analytical and literal, she is creative and artsy.  I am loud and abrasive, she’s quiet and secretive.  When we travel, I book the travel and hotels.  She manages the activities.  As evident by the painting in our living room, she’s the yin to my yang.  (Or is it the yang to my yin? I don’t remember what they both mean.)

Opposister - "Extremes create a balance, not power. Abstract meaning nothing without the concrete. You are as much my opposite as my sister." We worked on a project together in college titled "Opposister". She made the visuals and I wrote poetry about the nature of our relationship. Recorded with music, the poems played from a speaker built into the back of the frame. There was also a book that chronicled the process.

It’s interesting to have a friend who feels so much like family.  While I consider her my sister, sometimes it seems more fitting to refer to her as my wife.  We’re like roommates for life (but not really.  I hope one day both of us can be married to other people…).  All of the bills are split down the middle.  We’re “raising” our children (the dogs) together.  When I’m running late in the morning, she’ll make my coffee and put it in a mug.  If I know she’s drank a little more than normal, I’ll try to make sure we have Powerade in the morning.  Leftovers are automatically separated into tupperware for our lunches the next day.  She does most of the cooking and cleaning.  I get to carry the heavy items upstairs.  (To be fair, she’ll do this also.  It’s just easier for me to do it most of the time.)  When I’m going out or doing something, I’ll often say “we”, just assuming she’s coming along.  My friends are her friends and it only seems natural that they should be.  When we fight, we often try to end it and pout for a few hours or days then just get over it.  In short, we’re a married couple who’s not intimate.  (As much as I love her, that would just be gross and wrong. Ewwww.)

She’s the only person I’ve lived with since leaving home. (That is if you don’t count my semester in Florence with 8 roommates.  I had my own room and was the only person that showered at night.  Plus, most people seemed to just stay out of my way.  I haven’t the slightest idea why…)  She was my randomly placed freshman roommate at Iowa State.  My greatest fears about my roommate were that she’d be a whore or disgusting.  Lucky for me, she was neither.  Just a pretty little girl who seemed cool and had an accent I needed to get used to.  (I still translate for people that haven’t been around her that much.  It makes perfect sense to me now….Well most of the time 🙂 ) We were lucky enough to be roommates that became friends and not friends that decided to live together.  We understood how the other person lives and operates before really getting to know the person.  The funny thing is that we only lived together for one year in college.  I became an RA my sophomore year and we weren’t allowed to have roommates.  She graduated a year later than I did and decided to move to Austin.  Four years later, we were living together again.  But this time we had our own bedrooms and didn’t share a bathroom with 40 other girls, a major upgrade.  We just signed our lease for another year.  We’re going two years strong but way past the newlywed period.

Our weird dynamic seems to work.  As often as she wears on my nerves (and vice versa), we both know this is a good situation.  I don’t know if I’ll find a better roommate.  And I’m not hoping to have to look for one anytime soon.  She’s one of a handful of people who’ve seen me cry and I’m okay with that.  We’ve gone through things that will never be forgotten but need never be brought up again.  We’ve backpacked across Western Europe together for a month and although we got close near the end, we didn’t kill each other.  She’s my outlet after work.  I’m her “I have dumb question” person.  If something happens in public, we need not exchange words, just a glance.  We’re convinced we’re going to hell but find (some) comfort in the fact that we’d probably be going together.  It’s cool.  It works.  And I hope it continues to work.

So for anyone that’s heard me talk about “My Wife” and wondered, there you go, the full explanation.  Yes, I have a platonic wife but I’m technically single and into men.

Watching “the kids” play,

Jo’van

May 7, 2009
Categories: Friendly Drama (The Ones You Choose), Whole Truth, The . Tags: best friend, dorms, freshman, good situation, like a sister, opposister, platonic wife, roommate . Author: tjovand . Comments: Leave a comment