TLC’s “Unpretty” (Remix featuring 2Pac – His rap really doesn’t fit but that’s kind of why I like it…)
Sitting under the dryer at the hair salon, I can’t help but wonder “Why am I doing this to myself?”. Every 4-8 weeks, I’m paying someone to straighten this, highlight that, thread those, wax that. On special occasions, I pay more to have this cut, those painted or that lasered. (I’m no longer just talking about the hair on the top of my head.) To keep in line with the costly exterior upgrades, I also pay to have access to those weights and run on that treadmill. In short, I’m a normal, healthy, self-conscious, vain 25-year-old woman.
Now, I understand all of these “services” are voluntary but I see most of them as necessary to stay in line with my contemporaries and expectations. And to be completely honest, I feel better about myself and my appearance afterwards. No one believes my hair’s naturally straight with red highlights, eyebrows perfectly arched, or that my toes naturally appear in various shades of reds and purples. BUT I imagine more people would notice bushy eyebrows, kinky (and not in the attractive afro style) hair, and a mustache. I do what I can and what I think I need to. (Sometimes not the same things.)
A few months ago, I went to see Chris Rock’s documentary “Good Hair”. If you’re at all interested and/or curious about the processes, costs, stigmas, and assumptions about black hair, I’d highly recommend the film. As my friend and I found ourselves laughing and nodding our heads in agreement with the commentators, one particular moment, or better statement, stuck with me.
A well-known, arguably renowned, hair stylist preparing for a major hair show and competition decided to go the extra mile for vanity and try Botox. The costs and pain were worth it for him to look his best. After the procedure, once the bleeding had stopped, he looked in the mirror and said, “I don’t feel as beautiful as I anticipated.” I couldn’t help but laugh and wonder “Do we ever?”. This man’s in the business of making people look and feel better and he’s still unsatisfied with himself. Of all the people, shouldn’t he have more realistic, and therefore more achievable, expectations?
For good or bad, God made me whatever I am. While I’m not considering anything as drastic as plastic surgery (although an upper lip and cup sizes proportional to my backside would be nice…), my actions are, in effect, trying to improve on His design. He loves me hairy legged, nappy headed and ashy. I should be able to too. And you know, I do love myself. I just like myself more well put together. Hair, make-up, outfits, shoes, they’re all a front. The question really isn’t “if I’m putting up a front with my efforts” but “if I can accept and admit a front’s all it is.”
Not anticipating beauty (just hoping really hard for it),
Jo’van
The Truth: According to Jo'van 